you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
