yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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