He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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