I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
