she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
