My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize