had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
