There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
