Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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