She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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