I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
