dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
