I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize