thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
