Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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