none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We left the knife in your bed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
