Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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