I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize