So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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