Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
