I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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