he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want a musical about memes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
