All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
