he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
