im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
