I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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