I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
