I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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