I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
