Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
