i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
