its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
