I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
