Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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