I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Life is so much better after having sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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