five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
