yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
