'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
