I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
