Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
