She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
