I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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