you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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