Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
