just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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