I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
