Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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