and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize