This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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