your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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