my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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