Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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