We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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