Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize