Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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