Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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