Im at strip club and am horny
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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