I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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