i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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