thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Im part way to drunk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
