3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
