Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
how drunk are you?
Several
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
