Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
