There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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