Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
