Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
