New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
