Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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