Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize