is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
