just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
