Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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