The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
