Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
smell my finger.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
