Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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