so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
