Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
