we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
