Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize